Matt's Sensei Seagal 3-course menu

Matt's "Sensei Seagal" Menu: A true American hero

Inspired by the man himself.  Paired with quality flicks and bad TV dramas.

The Main Course: Roast Beef

Give yourself 20 minutes per pound for this bad boy.  Figure 8oz per person.

• A full boneless rib - don't try to mess with this one or you'll get a thumb in the eye.  
• 2 cloves garlic, sliced
• Salt and pepper
• A bad attitude

Keep the attitude.  Preheat your oven to 425.  Trim the roast, roll it up so the fat is on the outside.  Tie it up so it doesn't get a way.  Poke holes with a pairing knife every few inches; put a slice of garlic in each one.  Rub the whole thing down with salt and pepper.  Put it in the oven, fat side down, on a roasting rack and let 'er be.

The Side Dish: Garlic Fries w/ Spicy Ketchup

• 1 big russet potato per person, washed and peeled
• Garlic powder, chopped garlic, garlic oil, salt
• Lots of oil.

First, you need to cut fries.  If you don't have a mandolin or a fry cutter (don't ask, but yes), then try to cut fries with a knife.  Don't lose a finger.  Aim for 3/8" thick.  As you cut them, put them in a bowl of water so that they don't turn brown.  You can leave them all in there until you're ready.

If you have a fryer, use it.  If you don't, good luck:

Put about an inch of oil in the bottom of a heavy pot.  Get it hot.  Hot enough that when you drop a DROP of water in it, the fucker pops at you like nobody's business.  Take fries out of your water bath, dry them with paper towels, then dump them in the hot oil.  Don't do too many at once.  In a 4qt pot with an inch of oil, two handfuls is a good amount.  Too many and they'll lower the oil temp and get mushy.  Then you'll have to use them for breakfast.

Fry the fries for about 10 minutes, or until they're golden in color.  Take them out with tongs (or your bare hands, if you're like the badass this meal is named for) and let them drain on paper towels.  While they're still hot, toss the fries with a little bit of chopped garlic, some oil, and a sprinkle of salt and garlic powder (or garlic salt.)

The Finish: Chocolate Stout Floats
Just put that shit in a glass with vanilla icecream.  Use root bear for those wanting unleaded.